I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize