who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's the barista slut.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
