what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
