Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
