Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His hands were made for my vagina.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
