piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
