Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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