R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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