The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
