Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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