i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
