I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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