just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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