My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize