That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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