Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
