Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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