Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
