I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
