We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
