i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
