Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
