he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
