i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
