It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
