Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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