i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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