This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
