So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
