I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
