I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
