nut hugger
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize