Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
