and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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