You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize