your room smells of hookers.
And success
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
