This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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