we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
