I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize