Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
