Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
