There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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