Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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