UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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