Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
