Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
