i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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