yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
