Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
