I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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