I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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