I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
