i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
