i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
