But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
