She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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