Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry about my life...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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