we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
