My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
