haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
