Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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