I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize