Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
