You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
God, I missed his penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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