I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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