I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
